Peter MacKay: Hi ÿ, how are things?

ÿ: They're ok. How about with you?
PM: Ever notice how my initials are "P.M."?
ÿ: I have actually.
PM: Pretty interesting, huh?
ÿ: Why? What's interesting about it?
PM: Well, you know, because I might be Prime Minister.
ÿ: Oh, I don't think so.
PM: It could happen.
ÿ: Not if you sell your Party it won't!
PM: Well, I'm not.
ÿ: How do you "sell" a "Party", anyway?
PM: We're not selling it!
ÿ: It's Canada's oldest Party you know? Founded by John A MacDonald, who fought tooth and nail to keep us from being annexed to the States, and who, with the help of George Etienne Cartier, gave us--
PM: I don't need a history lesson from you, pal, I am Party-leader after all.
ÿ: Of what?
PM: The Conservative Party of Canada.
ÿ: Which you're selling!
PM: We're not selling it, we're incorporating--
ÿ: --Being swallowed Whole--
PM: With the Alliance--
ÿ: --Who believe in "American-style" health-care, public hangings, and Adam and Eve.
PM: Listen, that's the kind of rhetoric that's kept the Right out of power for the last decade and a half.
ÿ: Exactly.
PM: And if I hadn't acted, The Alliance and The Conservatives would have continued to split the vote for decades to come, leaving you with Liberal rule, which--
ÿ: They're Mulroney's party aren't they?
PM: That's right! The "Now that we've implemented the ideas we campaigned against, let's do-nothing"-Party of Canada.
ÿ: Until the end there, when you have to admit, Chretien got pretty cool.
PM: I'm afraid I can't do that.
ÿ: Ever think of merging with the NDP?
PM: We tried to but they wouldn't let us.
ÿ: So, what are you going to call your new Party then?
PM: The Progressive Canadian Conservative Social Credit Reform Alliance Party. The PCC-SCRAP.
ÿ: How long til Harper's anointed?
PM: Well, there's a convention--
ÿ: Which you will lose.
PM: You're being very hostile to me.
ÿ: I'm angry.
PM: I sense that.
ÿ: The Conservative Party was far from perfect, but it was also never about ideologically bankrupt oil-tycoons. As a result of this merger, the political landscape could shift that much further to The Right when people realize Paul Martin's a douche-bag.
PM: Or they could vote for Jack Layton.
ÿ: Ok, you didn't just say that.
PM: You'll see. It will all work out.
ÿ: You know what I look forward to?
PM: What's that?
ÿ: Watching Orchard kick your ass, and revitalize Red Tory tradition.
PM: Ah, screw that guy--
ÿ: He's been screwed all right.
PM: This isn't even fair.
ÿ: Why not?
PM: Well, I'm not really speaking. You're putting words in my mouth.
ÿ: I'm pretending I can speak for you, right.
PM: Why are you doing that?
ÿ: To Canada's oldest Party! Our oldest Party, man! In the ass! It's so heavy! They're laughing at you Peter. They think they destroyed you. Not just you, but your Party-- they think they killed your Party! And all because you were too gullible to see it coming. How do you sleep? What's your secret?
PM: Oh I take a sedative for sure.
ÿ: I'm listening. Keep talking.
PM: That's it. A sedative.
ÿ: Coolio man... Coolio.