I King

Junio 26, 2003

Lo Siento a Barcelona Pavilion

I was very sorry to miss one of Toronto's best live acts last Friday. I heard it was kick ass though. Or at least, I heard it was better than the last show, which I was at, and I thought that show kicked ass. If you're gonna be in Europe this summer, you better find out where they're playing and go there. I'm fucking warning you.

Posted by King at 02:07 PM | Comments (9)

Junio 17, 2003

Mystical Ball

This ball is all psychic and shit.

Posted by King at 02:34 PM | Comments (34)

Junio 13, 2003

No Comeback

Twenty minutes ago I stopped at the Starbucks on College St. after dropping filion off at work. Usually I go to T Ho's in the morning, but yesterday I drank a nice coffee at Starbucks and was looking to repeat the experience.

Since yesterday I've been wearing a communist chinese hat around; an army green Mao cap with a red star on it. I was wearing it this morning when I bought this coffee at Starbucks. Can I just say that I fucking hate using the word "Grande" (pron:Grond-day) when I order coffee. I do. I mean, if they want to use the original names of certain beverages, fine. I'm not opposed to the word "latte" I'm not even opposed to the phrase "non-fat caramel brownie mochaccino", though I am opposed to that drink. But why the fuck do I have to say Grande when I'm ordering black coffee? I'm not Spanish, I'm not Italian, and neither is Starbucks. You know why I have to say it? Because Starbucks is a bunch of sneaky fucks. if you say "Large" they don't even hesitate, they bring you a venti, which is way too big. I've got enough stomach problems after a Grande. Grande means Large, and Venti means Twenty. So when you say "Large" you don't expect a grain silo full, you expect a large. And when you say "Small" you don't expect them to always confuse this with the word "Tall" which is their medium. You want a "Short". The Short isn't even the same diameter as the Tall, so these two sizes defy logic.

Anyhow, back to my story. I ordered a Grond-day, and then I saw that they were selling newspapers at the cash so I bought one of these too. The guy behind the counter had a thin, nasally voice and he repeated back to me, "One grond-day and one newspaper" and I said "That's right" and he started ringing it through. Then he stops, and with a smug look and ear-piercing whine, he lisps: " I must say, it surprises me that someone with red star on their hat is buying the national post."

Well....

I froze. I had no comeback. While he was grinning at his own cleverness, I was thinking, what the fuck is he talking about? It took a while for my brain to make the connection. As far as Toronto papers go, The National Post is considered Right Wing, and I'm wearing an iconically Left Wing hat. He's still grinning.

In all honesty the first thing that came to my mind was: "Well it doesn't surprise me that I'm being served coffee at Starbucks by a pretentious gay man."
But I couldn't say that.

I so wanted to burn him, but I couldn't. My mind just started cataloguing the facts: a) It's the only paper you fucking sell you dumb shit. b) I'm not a communist c) There's a story I want to read on the front page: "Ontario Legislature Debates Strip-Club Dwarf-Tossing d) I'm not right wing, and I like The Post.

While I'm waiting on Brain for some words, the old woman behind me in line starts laughing at this barrista's remark. Then, oh god, then, she adds some sass: "Which begs the question, why do you have it?"

I didn't know if she was referring to the hat or the newspaper. Nor could I begin to figure out which wing they were coming at me from. Were they anti-communist? Anti-fascist? What? It's not like I was buying Meinkampf -- it's a fucking national newspaper. And it's a decent paper, fuck.

I spun around quick, ready to verbally destroy the snickering sextuagenarian, but again, I froze. All I could think of was : You Fat Retarded Old Cunt. And it almost leaked out.

Instead, I left, in total silence.

Posted by King at 10:30 AM | Comments (30)

Junio 02, 2003

Lil' Kim

Here are a few choice quotes from an interview with Kim in this month's Maxim Blender:

"I've always been good at art, or, like, architecting. If I wasn't doing music I would be either an architect, a psychiatrist or a designer."

Blender: If you were a man, who would you want to be?
Lil' Kim: "I would want to be God."

Blender: What scares you?
Lil' Kim: "I don't like any kind of creepy animal. I'm not trying to be petting a lion. I'm a city girl."

Posted by King at 10:51 AM | Comments (17)

Benches

This morning at 7:30 a.m. I got kicked off a bench in a large grassy area downtown that the guy told me was on private property. In this area there are about ten benches, lots of grass, plants, and the gate was open. I told this man that there are not enough places to sit downtown and that it "sucked" that here were these benches in a nice quiet oasis at queen and university and no one was allowed to sit on them. He was like: "yeah, it's like at the Bay, you're waiting for your fucking wife and there's nowhere to sit because every goddamn fucking inch is taken up for selling products." I agreed that these were similar problems and he showed me a place where I could sit and wait for whoever I was waiting for across the street. I told him that I was waiting for no one and only wanted to sit and relax, whereupon he reiterated "across the street". He was trying to be nice, and he was only doing what he was paid to do which looked like some kind of groundskeeping work. It was well kept. Too bad no one was allowed to sit there. I found the place he pointed out to me. He told me that he had noticed other people sitting there, and they seemed to enjoy it. There were no benches, just grass worn down into dirt littered with cigarette butts, and some concrete steps plastered with bubblegum. So I just went to work.

Posted by King at 08:48 AM | Comments (3)