K,
I too often wake up from naps, hot, sweaty, thirsty and seemingly less rested than before the sleep... I often wonder about the perfect nap... does it exist?...

Guy, today I had two too-strong cigarettes and 1 and 1 half cup of weak stale coffee for lunch. For the rest of the day I had this look on my face like there was a fart permanently hovering under my nose. Last night I passed out on the couch at like 9pm with a book splayed across my chest and woke up at 4.30 with the book under my hip (all bent and shit) and couldn't figure out if I was still tired or whether I was ready to start the day (at 4.30! On a Sunday!). I decided to go back to sleep and woke up at 10 to my alarm feeling more tired than I had at 9pm the night before. I figured I'd probably feel better after a shower and some breakfast and things like this. I didn't. I thought maybe the 45 minute commute to work would wake me up. It didn't. I felt like I was going to pass out and that my lower eyelids were falling down my face until I had lunch ( at 3) when I didn't feel tired but felt like there was a fart under my fucking nose. For the first half of the day I looked like you, King, towards the end of that sleeping movie you made and throughout the second half I looked like Evelyn Waugh.

I have heard that there is a perfect nap -- but it's short. And it's not like you wake up alert and happy. I think that part only kicks in later. Plus, it depends on what you're doing after the nap. If you're just going back to work, chances are you're not gonna power up. I used to nap all the time when I was working on film sets. In fact, on the very first commercial I ever worked on, at lunch time, I was exhausted. It was my first time waking up at 4:30 a.m. for a job, and it was my first time working at the kind of pace that even your heart and lungs have doubts about. At lunch I noticed that a bunch of seasoned crew members had spread sound blankets out on the ground and were sleeping by the trucks. We were on the Toronto island shooting a Labatt Blue ad with that guy Tom Cavanagh, who's on the show Ed now. He was pretty annoying on that shoot. Anyhow, it was a beautiful sunny day, and I thought a nap on a sound blanket sounded like the right idea. I had a mime exchange with the genny op who wasn't quite asleep yet and he pointed me in the direction of the sound blankets, so I grabbed one and lay down in line for a warm, sunny sleep with the other crew guys. Next thing I know I'm opening my eyes,my face feels tight. I look over to where the other guys are sleeping and they're not there any more. I check my watch. Lunch has been over for 45 minutes. And not only that, my face is so sunburnt that sores are starting to appear. My panic usurped the pain for the time being. I ran around like a maniac until I finally found my boss. I was ready for the worst, but, a stroke of luck,
my boss was asleep in his truck. He had all the windows up and the doors locked and I banged on the window for ten minutes before I could wake him up. I thought he was dead. I'd been trying so hard to make a good impression, cause I wanted to work in film really badly and I had no connections, but the rest of the day was a nightmare. My sunburn was so bad I felt nauseous and people kept asking me if I wanted to go home. My boss didn't though. Without me there he would have been fucked, and I wanted to work with him again.I stayed, but it took two weeks of relentless aloe vera application to cool my face down.

Discourse, I can't believe you remember the "sleeping movie"

I refer you all to The Amazing Sankey NanoNap®. There's also that theory that since sleep cycles (whatever the fuck that means) go in three hour units, it's better to get 6 hours of zzzz than 8. I have strong doubts about that theory, however.